


Meant

by idra



Series: Renegades, Rebels, and Rogues [6]
Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Western, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 03:55:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10711671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idra/pseuds/idra
Summary: Andy gets some bad news and Joachim meets his one true love.





	Meant

**Author's Note:**

> Since this takes place about a year after TWICH, I figure the twins are around two, give or take a couple of months. Mardy & Tommy's baby'd be about a year.
> 
> Same warnings as previous fics all apply. Beware.

Joachim sighed as he settled into his bed. It had been another long Sunday of going around to the neighbouring towns, preaching, but he knew that it was best for everyone in Bluebonnet if he didn't spend too much time there. No one particularly liked him, even if he did want to be friends with them.

But he, like Sebastien and Richard, currently lived at the hotel. He just tried to spend as much time as possible away from the rest of the townspeople. Which wasn't really that hard to do, considering that most of the time, Joachim felt like everyone went out of their way to avoid him.

He jerked awake at the sound of boots clomping around downstairs and pulled himself out of bed when someone started hollering. It wasn't unusual for yelling and carrying on to take place, but this didn't sound familiar, so Joachim dragged himself out of bed and pulled on his pants, shirt and boots before heading out to see what was going on.

At the top of the stairs, he stopped. Marat and Tomas were throwing things -- again -- and screaming at each other. Rolling his eyes, Joachim started to head back to bed, stopping when the doors of the hotel swung open and a handsome, dark-haired man stepped through them. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of Marat and Tomas screaming and throwing things at one another, then cleared his throat. "Excuse me, is there a Sheriff Andy Roddick around?"

The fight stopped almost instantly and Joachim watched Marat stiffen. "No. Our Sheriff's name is John. He's at his office."

"Well, I just checked there and there weren't no one over there. Any idea when he might come back?" Then as if something had just occurred to him, the man smiled. "How 'bout just a man called Andy Roddick? He'd've been the Sheriff at one point, I think. Maybe before you came here?"

Marat glanced at Tomas who shrugged and Joachim saw that they were going to continue to lie to the man. "He's around," he said softly, aware that both the Russian and his lover were glaring at him. "And what reason do you have to seek him out?"

The man turned to him and Joachim found himself smiling shyly at the stranger. He appeared to be about Rafael's and Richard's age, though possibly younger or older. The man smiled back and nodded his head slightly. "I need to speak with Roddick. It's about his family."

"What about the Roddick family?" John asked as he stepped into the room. He took in the entire scene in a glance -- a habit that Andy had as well.

The stranger turned. "I have news of his brother, Lawrence. Lawrence's wife sent me to tell Andy that his other brother is alive, but shortly after John..." And the stranger trailed off, then shook his head. "Forgive me, Sheriff. I didn't realize you were John Roddick."

"I am at that. What about Lawrence?"

"Lawrence was killed in a raid near the farm. He and a handful of other farmers went to burn out a family of squatters up on the O'Connell's land. Lawrence was caught in the blaze."

John sighed and looked up at Joachim. "Do you mind running down the road and telling Andy to come to the hotel?"

Joachim shook his head and hurried down the stairs and out the doors as he heard John ask, "Why didn't she just send a telegram?"

He didn't hear the answer, but was curious about the answer. However, he was also aware that it wasn't his place. He sighed and continued on his way, knocking softly lest he wake the twins. Roger came to the door and scowled at him. "What do you want?"

"John sent me. He'd like Andy to come to the hotel as soon as he can."

"Oh. Well, I'll tell him. Go away." And Joachim caught sight of Mardy moving towards the door.

Joachim nodded and turned, about to head back into town. 

"Joachim, wait a minute."

Joachim turned slowly, prepared to be yelled at. He'd never meant to hurt Mardy, but between Marat making him feel all twisted up inside and Tomas poking at him for his history, he'd lashed out. He'd tried to apologize, but every time he got near Mardy, Roger or Andy or Marat would swoop in and pull Mardy away.

Mardy smiled at him. "What does Andy need to do at the hotel?"

"Mardy!" He heard Roger hiss.

"Shush, Rogi. Joachim?"

"I don't... there's a stranger there. He was looking for Andy, with news of his brother."

"About John?" Andy asked as he stepped onto the porch. Joachim watched Roger's face light up and he couldn't help but smile. He liked Roger, even if Roger hated his guts and it made him happy to see just how excited Roger got around Andy.

"No. Your other brother. Lawrence?" Joachim frowned slightly, then shrugged. "But I think you'd better hear the news from John."

Andy nodded and pulled Roger close to him, kissing his lover softly. "Right. Rog, go grab me a shirt, will ya? I'm gonna finish feeding little John, then I'll be right in. Will you tell John that for me?"

Joachim nodded and started to head back into town, blinking when Mardy moved into step with him. "You've been trying to get me alone for a while now, haven't you?"

"Well, yes. But I... I thought you didn't want to speak to me."

"No. Roger and Andy and Marat are just too protective sometimes. You hit me. They're afraid I'd let you hit me again without retaliation." Mardy put his hand on Joachim's shoulder, stopping both of them. "It won't happen. You won't hit me again, will you?"

"No. I didn't mean to the first time, at any rate."

"I figured as much. Joachim, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry I hurt you. Not just that I hit you but that I lashed out at you that way."

"You were pissed 'cause I have Tommy and my girls and at the time, I still couldn't let him have me."

"Well... yes. And..."

"Marat?"

"Yes." Joachim blushed and looked down at the ground. "He is beautiful, and I know now that he's meant for Tomas, but I wanted him to be meant for me, but Tomas wouldn't leave us be and then he called me... well, you know. And I know what I was, but I don't need him reminding me of that."

"So you used that as an excuse to hurt me?"

"Yes. And I know how stupid it was. I know how wrong it is. And I'm so very sorry for it, but no one would let me apologize. I was angry and hurt and I did a stupid thing, but do I have to be punished for the rest of my life?"

"No." Mardy smiled and hugged him. "You and Kimmy were the closest things I had to friends when we were with the McEnroes. And there's no reason we can't be friends now. I'll talk to Andy, Roger and Marat about giving you a break."

Joachim smiled back. "All I want is for everyone to stop hating me."

"They will." Mardy stroked his hand down Joachim's cheek. "Now, let's get on over to the hotel."

Joachim nodded and they walked side by side into the hotel. Marat's eyes widened and he started to speak, but Mardy cut him off with a shake of his head. "John, what's going on?"

"Andy coming?" John said in lieu of answering Mardy's question.

"Well, yeah. But he had to finish with little John first. What's up?"

John shook his head and they all glanced back when Andy and Roger came into the hotel, carrying the twins. John's face lit up and he lifted little John off of Roger's hip and Roger took Markus from Andy. "Hey, little man. How's my namesake doin'?"

"He's fine. What's going on?" Andy frowned, then glanced over at the stranger, then did a double take. "Novak? What are you doing here? I thought Lawrence was busy working you into the ground, since he couldn't with me."

The stranger -- Novak, apparently -- smiled sadly. "There is no more work."

"What do you mean?"

"Andy..." Novak licked his lips and sighed. "Lawrence is dead." And then he told Andy how it had happened and everyone focused on Andy, waiting to see what he'd do. Most of the people in the room knew that Andy and his oldest brother hadn't gotten along, but they all knew that any death wasn't easy.

Andy grimaced and slid his hat off, bowing his head. Roger stepped up, placing a hand on his shoulder and Joachim's stomach clenched ever so slightly. They were so in love, the two of them. Then Mardy moved closer and slid an arm around Andy's waist and rested his head on Andy's shoulder as Andy pulled Roger in front of him and held onto his husband. John moved up and handed his namesake over, then moved back to stand by Joachim.

"Why aren't you in on this?" Joachim asked, gesturing to the show of support for Andy's bereavement.

"Well, I reckon Mardy's Andy's brother in every way that counts. And even though I've been back from the dead, so to speak, for near a year, Andy's still kinda cautious around me. He needs his family -- the one he made -- right now."

Joachim nodded and walked with John to a table and sat down. He played with one of the napkins, folding and unfolding it until Marat and Tomas moved to sit with them. "I'll just go back to my bed," Joachim said, starting to stand, but Marat's hand on his wrist stopped him.

"You've apologized to Mardy?" Marat asked softly.

"Yes. I would've apologized sooner if you'd have let me."

Marat hung his head slightly and sighed, then looked back up. "I am sorry about that, but you were so very angry with Mardy that day. I didn't know how long your anger would last." He held up a hand to forestall anything Joachim might have said to that. "I know, though, that it wasn't really my place to interfere. As much as I adore Mardy, I am not part of their family." He glanced over his shoulder and Joachim could see the pain in him. "Roger still considers me his, but the others... Tommy has become a good friend, but I sense much hatred from Andy. I think he thinks I'd interfere between Tommy and Mardy."

Tomas frowned slightly, then reached over and took Joachim's hand into his. "And I'm sorry as well. I was jealous. You're very beautiful and you had Marat's attention. I shouldn't have spoken to you like I did and I definitely shouldn't have kept attacking you after the fact. You made a mistake, but you're allowed. I never..." Tomas frowned again the continued, "I've never met anyone with the courage the people of this town have, you included. I had a happy childhood. A happy adulthood as well. I've never known the kind of strife you've gone through. I would be proud to have you for a friend, if you can forgive me for treating you so horribly."

Joachim had to duck his head in order to hide the tears that were trailing slowly down his cheeks. "I'd like that," he said softly after he'd gotten himself under control. "I would like that a lot."

Marat grinned and reached over, hugging him, then Tomas followed suit. Joachim lifted his head and smiled back at them. "Thank you."

"No, thank you for forgiving us," Marat said, squeezing his hand before he and Tomas stood and headed upstairs.

Joachim sighed, then glanced over to see Andy still clinging almost desperately to Roger. "I thought he and Lawrence didn't like each other?" he asked John, who had watched the interaction between Joachim, Marat and Tomas quietly.

"They didn't. But Andy, he's loyal. And he probably feels that Lawrence should've contacted him -- him being a lawman and all -- about the squatters. So he feels responsible."

"But he's not. It's not his fault."

"No, it's not, but sometimes, fault doesn't matter," Mardy said as he joined them. He glanced over at Novak and gestured for him to sit. "You rode all the way here from Dallas?"

"I did," Novak said, hat in hand. He nodded to Joachim, smiling slightly, then focusing back on Mardy. "Lawrence's wife, she packed up the kids and took them off to St. Louis. She's got family back there and I guess she means to stay with them and raise the kids."

"What about the ranch?" John asked, probably thinking not only of Lawrence's spread but of their father's, which upon his death had been merged with Lawrence's.

"Well, that's a sticky matter, apparently. Your father had left his spread to Andy, but Lawrence never told anyone that. So, it's Andy's land. And Lawrence, well, his sons don't want it, but Lawrence never said who he wanted it left to at any rate, so his wife said Andy could have that as well. I guess they hadn't quite recovered from your rise from the grave." 

John smiled at that and shook his head. "I wouldn't want it anyhow. I like being Sheriff and I like Bluebonnet."

"Well, who doesn't?" Andy asked as he and Roger walked over to join them. He handed over Markus when John held his arms out and sat down. "Novak... the ranch, what happens to it?"

"Well, like I was telling John, it's all yours now. All the land, the houses, the acres of farm, the cattle, the horses... all yours."

Andy sighed and shook his head. "All right. I guess I'll go-" 

"No! I don't want to move, Andy! I want to stay here!" Roger stomped his foot and glared at Andy as their boys both broke out screaming.

Andy laughed softly and kissed Roger, then scooped little John and Markus up, rocking them. "Sweet thing, I'm not talking about leaving Bluebonnet for good. Just long enough to pay my respects to Lawrence's grave and then figure out what to do with the old spread. I figure the Bryans' will buy the cattle. We can bring the horses back here for the town to use. The land and the houses, well... I'll sell 'em to whoever wants 'em back there."

"Oh." Roger bit his lip and hung his head. "Sorry."

"It's okay, sweet thing. You, me and the twins can pack up and head out first thing tomorrow. Johnny, you want to come with?"

"No, thanks." John smiled. "I hated that place. It's why I joined the Rangers."

Andy nodded. "Anything in particular you'd like me bring back? Anything of Mama's or Daddy's?"

"No. I reckon I've got enough of 'em right here," John said, pointing to his heart.

Andy smiled. "All right then. Mardy, you wanna bring the girls and Tommy?"

"No. Amelie is almost about to pop with our newest baby, so I don't want Tommy to be away when she delivers. Besides, little Andy's too young to make such a trek."

"He's a year old."

"Too young for such a trek, there and back." Mardy grinned. "Add to that Scarlett and Jewel have school."

"Okay, fine. Novak, you coming back with us?"

"I suppose." Novak frowned and Joachim found himself wishing that Novak would look at him again. He was such a handsome man and though Joachim was sure he'd never have a shot at such a man, he couldn't help but want him. "I don't... If you sell the farm, the ranch, what am I to do?"

Andy looked at John, then Mardy and smiled. "You could always come back here to live. If we bring the horses, Carlos'll need help at the stables. And it's possible that if the twins do buy the cattle, they'll need help out at their place. We'll find room," Andy said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well... if you're sure?"

"Town's about to burst, but we'll always make room," Mardy said, smiling. "Andy, maybe you could take Joachim with you? He could watch the twins while you and Roger sort through whatever was left behind."

Andy frowned, glancing at Joachim, then at Roger. "I suppose. Rog?"

"Does he have to?" Roger asked, lower lip sliding out in a pout.

"No." Joachim stood and started for the stairs. "I know when I'm not wanted."

Andy moved quickly to stand in front of him. "Now, no one said you aren't wanted, Joachim. It's just..."

"Roger doesn't like me. He doesn't want me coming with." Joachim turned, trying not to cry. "If it's because I hurt Mardy, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I never meant to hit him. I just... I took it out on him that Marat had me all confused and Tomas was being mean. And if it's because Andy and I had sex, you never have to worry about that. As much as I might have wanted to continue it, he _never_ would've touched me if I hadn't climbed on him!" As he realized everyone was staring at him, he blushed and turned, prepared to run back upstairs but Andy wouldn't let him pass.

"Rogi, I love you. What happened with Joachim was ages ago. Long before I met you. And while I think it's admirable you think you need to stick up for Mardy, Mardy's perfectly capable of holding onto a grudge himself. But Mardy forgave him. Maybe you should do the same." Andy turned Joachim and pushed him gently down the stairs back to the table. "We could use the help when we get to Dallas. I'll need you with me and we can't be running herd on our boys while we try to figure out what to sell and what to keep."

Roger frowned, but looked at their two boys, who were currently climbing on their Uncles Mardy and John. "Why can't Novak watch them for us?"

"'Cause he's got his own business he'll have to sort out there. He can't keep an eye on two little troublemakers like ours." Andy scooped Markus off John's shoulders and plopped the little boy into Joachim's lap. "Joachim won't hurt Mardy again. He won't be having sex with me ever again. You've got no reason to hold a grudge. You don't hold a grudge against Tommy and he all but ripped out Mardy's heart."

"Hey!" Mardy exclaimed, picking little John off his shoulders and setting the child in his lap.

"Sorry, but Tommy did. Not once but twice. And you've forgiven Tommy for both those times -- in fact you forgave him for the second quicker than Mardy did."

Roger shrugged. "He's my brother."

Andy raised an eyebrow at that and Joachim had to wonder why. But Andy was talking again. "Maybe, but you love Mardy. You knew how pissed off I was, which was why you got mad at Tommy the first time."

"You don't like him either!" Roger stated, gesturing to Joachim, who flinched like he'd just been hit.

Andy kept his hands on Joachim's shoulder and frowned. "Fact is, I like Joachim well enough. I don't know him and I don't like that he hit Mardy, but it's not my place to forgive. It's Mardy's, in this particular case. _And_ I'll throw in what Sebastien's always saying and say it's not our place to judge. Only God can do that."

Joachim glanced around and noticed that all eyes were on Roger. He glanced at the other man and took a deep breath. "Roger? I'm sorry I hurt Mardy. I didn't mean to. I really, truly didn't mean to. I was just angry and I didn't know how else to deal with it. All my life, that's all I've been taught. Until I came to Sebastien and Richard. They showed me a different way, but it was slow to take. I shouldn't have hit him and I shouldn't have lashed out at him."

Roger shrugged, looking at Markus. He started to speak, then shook his head.

Deciding to try another tactic, Joachim stood up, balancing Markus on his hip as he reached out to touch Roger's wrist lightly. He spoke softly, not really wanting everyone to hear this part. "I'm sorry I had sex with Andy. I shouldn't have gone after him the way I did, but he was the one person Mardy trusted. I figured if Mardy could trust him, then so could I and he'd be gentle with me."

Roger shrugged again, then nodded. "Okay. If Mardy can forgive you, I guess I can too."

Joachim smiled and hugged Roger lightly before handing over Markus. "Thank you."

Roger smiled back and hugged Markus to his chest. "But you have to promise to never hurt Mardy or go near Andy."

"I promise," Joachim said, still smiling.

Roger nodded and turned to Andy. "When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow?" Andy glanced at Novak, raising an eyebrow. "Will you be ready to go again that soon?"

"If I could get a bath and a hot meal, I'd be ready to go right now." Novak glanced at Joachim, blushed then looked away.

Mardy nodded. "I can set you up with a bath and the hot meal. But you'll get a room too and stay the rest of the night at least." Mardy looked at Andy. "And why not wait until the next day? It's about five in the morning, Andy."

"I know. I meant to _tomorrow_ tomorrow, not today tomorrow." Andy rolled his eyes, then winked at Roger. "That way, Rog and I'll have time to pack and get the twins' stuff ready and I'll be able to ride out to the Bryans' place. Novak, what kind of cattle did Lawrence raise anyhow?"

"What kind?" Novak looked confused for a moment, then shook his head. "Sorry, it's been a long hard ride."

"How long?" Andy asked as Mardy left the group to fix Novak a meal and Roger followed him. John stood up, excusing himself as he left. And Joachim didn't know what to do, so he just watched the newcomer.

"Three days, I think. Time sort of ran together."

"Three days? It's at least a week's ride away, Novak. Damn, how hard were you pushing your horse?"

"Thunder can stand up to it." Novak straightened a little and Joachim realized how tired the man must be. "He's a good mount."

"Maybe, but still. I'll take him to the stables and get him bedded down. Mardy and Roger'll fix you a hot meal. Joachim, you want to take the tub into the small room off the kitchen and start filling it so he can have a bath?"

Joachim nodded, glad to have something to do and he headed for the small room that he knew used to belong to Mardy. After he filled the copper tub full of hot water, he went to get soap and towels for the newcomer. He stopped upon reentering the room. Novak was naked and just sliding into the water. "Joachim is your name?"

He nodded, averting his eyes. He wasn't shy, not usually, but something about this man's dark eyes made him feel funny. He raised up the flour-sack towels and the bar of soap. "Uhm. I got these for you. I'll just set them over here," he said and started to put the towels and the soap by the door.

Novak laughed softly. "How'm I supposed to reach 'em if they're way over there?"

"Oh." Joachim blushed and glanced around. "I..."

"Never mind. I'll come get 'em."

Joachim heard splashing and he dropped the towels and soap, turning away. He heard Novak chuckle and then felt a warm hand on the small of his back. "Thank you for bringing them to me?" And there were wet lips against his ear, then splashing water again. Joachim closed his eyes, wanting to turn around and stare, but he couldn't. He sighed and let himself out of the room, heading into the kitchen to talk to Mardy before he stopped himself. Even if Mardy had forgiven him, there was no guarantee that he'd want to listen to Joachim's problems.

He stood there, hand on the door and wondered what he was supposed to do. He didn't have anyone he could talk to, not really. Sebastien and Richard were always willing to listen, but Joachim hated relying on them so much. But he didn't have anyone else. He turned and started towards the stairs, stopping when the door from the kitchen swung open and either little John or Markus -- Joachim could never remember which of them wore the blue -- came tearing through, babbling as he ran towards the small room. Joachim's eyes widened and he started after the little boy, but he wasn't fast enough.

After a few second, Novak came out, dripping wet and completely naked. "I think this little guy belongs to Andy's Roger?"

Joachim's mouth dropped open and he just stared. He'd seen how well-built Novak was before, but he hadn't gotten the full view. He couldn't stop his body from responding to the beautiful sight.

Roger came out of the kitchen, laughing as he carried a plateful of food. He stopped, eyes widening. "Uhm, we have your food ready." He set the plate down on one of the tables and crossed to Novak, lifting the little boy out of Novak's arms. "Sorry about him." He glanced at Novak again, then giggled as he cuddled his son close and headed into the kitchen.

After a few moments, in which Novak and Joachim just stared at one another, Mardy popped his head out of the kitchen and grinned. "Very, very nice, Novak. But you might wanna go finish your bath so your food doesn't get cold." Mardy laughed as he stepped back into the kitchen and Novak blushed.

"Right. Joachim? Will you join me?" 

"In the bath?" Joachim squeaked and started to say yes, but Novak was shaking his head.

"No, sorry. I meant to eat. I hate to eat alone."

"Oh." Joachim couldn't help but be slightly disappointed. "Of course I will."

Novak grinned and reached out, pulling Joachim closer. "We'll save sharing a bath for after we've known each other for a while." He leaned up, kissing Joachim softly. "I'll be right back."

Joachim nodded and practically floated to the table where Roger had set Novak's food. He smiled stupidly, glancing up questioningly when Mardy peeked through the door. "He back in the room?"

"Uh huh."

"Oh. You gonna eat with him?"

Joachim nodded again, still grinning. Mardy laughed, then came out a few moments later, carrying a second plate of food. "Wanna talk about it?" Mardy asked as he sat down next to Joachim.

"Talk about what?"

"Your little crush on Novak?"

"Oh." Joachim frowned. "I am being too obvious aren't I?"

"Not too obvious, but obvious enough. There's nothing wrong with it, Joachim."

Joachim sighed and nodded. "He makes my stomach feel all fluttery."

"Anything else?"

"Well, there's... While he was naked... I don't... I'm not particularly shy, Mardy, but I had the hardest time looking at him. Even though I wanted to. I want to look and touch and taste and be taken." Joachim blushed and met Mardy's smiling eyes. "He kissed me and it felt... I've never felt that before."

"Like the world was spinning out of control?"

"Exactly." Joachim sighed, then drew his eyebrows together. "How do you know?"

"A lucky guess." Mardy waved his hand, then said, "No. Experience. When Tommy first kissed me, I was almost sick with it. It felt so wonderful, but I'd been taught that sex is pain and fear. Not just by Patrick. So wanting Tommy scared me senseless. You don't have the same fears I do on intimacy. So go with your gut."

"And if he's not for me?"

"Then you can enjoy while you have him."

Joachim smiled and nodded. "Thank you," he murmured and Mardy winked as if he understood Joachim meant it for more than just the advice. 

A short while later, after Mardy and Roger had left, Novak came out of the corner room, dressed again. They ate in silence until Joachim could no longer stand the loudness of it. "I was a whore once," he said quietly, picking at his chicken and dumplings.

"Okay." 

Joachim frowned at the lack of surprise or shock. "I was used and abused, but I'm not that man anymore."

Simply raising an eyebrow, Novak waited for him to continue. So he did. "I've been with men since going free, but... I never wanted as much as I seem to want with you."

A slow smile spread across Novak's mouth and his eyes lit up with it. "That's good to know, as I'm drawn to you too. Thing is though, I've never lain with a man. And I don't care about what you was before. It's _who_ you are now that matters."

Joachim blushed and ducked his head. "Do you want me tonight?"

"Well, I'd be lyin' if I said no, but fact is, I'd rather wait a while. At least 'til we get back from Dallas. I wouldn't say no to sharin' your bed though?"

Joachim looked up, a little shaken he'd been turned down, but pleased by Novak's reasoning. "Yes. I'd like that."

They finished the rest of their meal and headed up to Joachim's room. Novak stripped out of his clothes and slid, naked, under the covers. Joachim swallowed hard, but followed suit even though he never slept without wearing at least his drawers. Novak curled up behind him and wrapped an arm around his waist. "I'm a heavy sleeper, so if I'm still out when you wake up and you need to leave the bed, don't worry 'bout wakin' me. I won't wake."

"All right," Joachim murmured, covering Novak's arm with his own and snuggling back against the other man. He felt Novak's lips moving over his shoulder and closed his eyes. Part of him wondered if this was all going to work out or if it was just a set up for a long, hard fall.

The next day, Joachim went to Andy and Roger's place to help Roger pack for the trip. Andy took Novak with him out to the Bryans' ranch to see if they were interested in the cattle. When the two of them returned, Mike and Bob in tow, the group loaded up the town's wagon, hitched up the team of horses and headed out towards Dallas.

It took just over a week before they reached Lawrence's ranch and Andy slid out of the wagon, walking slowly up the steps. Roger looked at Joachim and Novak before following Andy into the house. Novak frowned and glanced at Joachim who was keeping the twin boys occupied. "I'm going to show the Bryans the cattle, all right?"

"We'll be fine," Joachim replied, smiling at Novak. Though they hadn't done more than cuddle and talk, Joachim and Novak had grown closer in the week and a half that they'd known each other. And the former whore finally knew that he'd found his other half. But he still wasn't sure that Novak felt the same and he didn't want to be the first to bring it up.

After a few hours, Joachim picked up Markus and little John and headed into the house, finding Andy and Roger in the kitchen, talking quietly about what they were going to keep. Apparently, Lawrence's wife hadn't taken much with her.

They ate lunch, then started packing, Joachim keeping the twins busy outside where they'd found a litter of kittens near the barn. He watched over them, noticing Novak out in the fields with Mike and Bob while they rounded up the cattle and he knew he'd never seen a more beautiful man. Novak was as at home on a horse as most men were on their feet.

It only took three days for the packing and the Bryans had already left, taking the cattle and a couple of the horses -- along with a couple of the hands that had been left behind -- back to Bluebonnet earlier. Joachim, Roger, Andy and Novak loaded up the wagons -- they'd decided to take Andy's dad's wagon as well, so they wouldn't be too crowded -- and they set out for home.

Several days later, they were home. Andy and Roger both laughed as the twins climbed onto the couch and promptly fell asleep and Joachim and Novak left the family alone as they took the horses and wagons to the stables. Carlos helped them rub down the horses and put them away, then asked if Novak would like a job with him. Since it would allow him to stay near Joachim, Novak agreed.

And finally, they were settled into Joachim's bed, in Joachim's favourite position, with Novak snuggled up behind him, one arm looped lightly around Joachim's waist. "If you want, we could... now?"

"Maybe the mornin', Pim Pim," Novak mumbled against Joachim's shoulder. "I'm tired and I know you've got to be worn out as well."

Joachim nodded, his hand cover Novak's. "Nole?"

"Yes, love?"

"I love you."

Joachim could feel Novak's smile against his shoulder blade. "I love you too. And I do want to take you, but right now, we both need sleep."

Stiffening, Joachim rolled out of Novak's arms. "That's not why I said it."

"Hold on. I know that. I'm just... I only meant that if we weren't both so tired, we could have each other."

Joachim frowned and shook his head. "Why would you say that right after I told you I love you? I don't need sex to know that I love you, Nole."

"I know." Novak sat up and wiped a hand over his face. "Okay, I was wrong. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry. I'm just tired and you've been pushing for more and... I'm too tired to have said anything."

Joachim grabbed his clothes, tugging them on. "So you didn't mean it. You don't love me." He finished dressing and stepped out into the hallway, jogging downstairs. He'd been told before that if he ever need to sleep in the downstairs room, he was allowed, so that's where he headed.

But before he could pull the door open, he was being pulled against Novak's body. "Dammit, Joachim, listen to me. I didn't say I love you just so we could have sex. I love you, dammit. I love you and I want some kind of future with you. Fact is, I'm too damn tired to make sense right now. I didn't mean it the way it came out. I only meant that we could... That we could... I don't know. Consummate, isn't that the word? Consummate our relationship if I weren't so tired. Show each other how much we love each other."

"Really?" It wasn't that Joachim didn't want to believe, but that he wasn't entirely sure he could. But he wanted to believe what Novak was saying. He so wanted to believe in this kind of love.

"I promise you, Pim Pim. That's all I meant."

Joachim sighed and leaned into Novak's embrace. "Well... okay then. But..."

Novak laughed softly and kissed him. "I'll try to think before I speak, okay?"

Joachim smiled and nodded and let Novak lead him upstairs. As they laid back down and Novak's arm wrapped around his belly once more, Joachim knew that Novak was the man for him. The only man for him. And somehow, he knew they'd be happy together.


End file.
